Why Are People Obsessed with Gold? (Besides It Being Shiny)

A sarcastic yet approachable dive into humanity’s shiny obsession.

1. It’s Been Worshipped for Millennia (Because, of Course)

Gold has been humanity’s crush for over 6,000 years. Ancient Egyptians wore it like a personality trait, kings hoarded it as if their life depended on it, and pirates practically turned it into a plot device. Why? Because gold screams “I’m better than you,” and apparently, humans can’t resist that energy.

If ancient civilizations had Instagram, their grids would’ve been packed with “#GoldenEra” selfies next to oversized thrones and bling that makes rappers look subtle. Gold was the ultimate flex before flexing was even a thing, and we’ve been rolling with it ever since.

2. It Doesn’t Rust or Fade (Your Ex Could Never)

Gold is basically the Marie Kondo of metals—it sparks joy forever. Throw it in water, bury it for a thousand years, or leave it out during a hurricane; it’ll still look flawless. Meanwhile, your silver necklace? Tarnished the second it touched air.

This kind of durability gives gold major main-character energy. We love it because it promises to last forever, unlike phone batteries, gym motivation, or that “life-changing” New Year’s resolution you ditched in February.

3. It’s Basically Money That’s Too Fancy to Spend

Gold coins are cool in theory, but let’s be honest—nobody’s walking into a Starbucks and paying for a latte with a gold doubloon. Still, people love hoarding gold as if they’re preparing for the apocalypse. Maybe it’s comforting to know that even if society collapses, you can still barter with shiny rocks.

Gold’s been the universal “I’m rich” badge since forever. Sure, paper money came along, but gold was like that one boomer refusing to retire—it stayed relevant because we let it. And honestly? Flexing with a gold bar just hits differently than waving a stack of Benjamins.

4. It’s Limited, and Humans Love FOMO

Here’s the thing about gold: there’s only so much of it. And if history has taught us anything, it’s that people go wild for stuff labeled “limited edition.” It’s the same energy that makes people camp out for sneakers or overpay for a latte dusted with—you guessed it—gold flakes.

The market whispers, “There’s not enough for everyone,” and suddenly we’re all treasure hunters. Gold isn’t just shiny; it’s exclusive. And in a world where exclusivity equals status, gold is basically the Birkin bag of the periodic table.

5. It’s Shiny, Okay? We’re Basically Magpies

Let’s not overthink this—gold is gorgeous. Humans are hardwired to be drawn to shiny things, and gold delivers on that primal instinct. It’s like catnip for our inner magpie. We can’t help but ogle it, even when we know it serves no practical purpose in everyday life.

But let’s be real: after you’ve admired your gold jewelry for the 100th time, does it vacuum your floor or pay your rent? Nope. It just sits there, sparkling and silently judging you for spending your savings on something that can’t even toast bread.

6. Society Made It a Big Deal (and We Can’t Stop)

If aliens landed tomorrow and asked why we care so much about gold, we’d have no real answer. Society decided gold is valuable, and we all just went along with it. It’s like a massive, centuries-long inside joke that got out of hand.

Think about it: if we’d hyped up aluminum instead, we’d probably be wearing foil hats and calling it high fashion. But no, gold got the spotlight, and here we are—obsessed with a shiny rock because someone, somewhere, said it mattered.

In the end, our love for gold boils down to this: it’s shiny, rare, and makes us feel important. Whether it’s a necklace, a bar in a vault, or a random trinket on your desk, gold’s allure is timeless, if not slightly irrational.

Published by Monezite.